Western culture seems to lean more heavily into individualism all the time. We’re encouraged to look out for ourselves, celebrate our own uniqueness, prioritise our own needs, focus on increasing our own wealth, our own wellbeing.
It hasn’t made us happier.
In fact a 2015 study of happiness found that the pursuit of happiness in individualistic cultures left people feeling less well off than before. Conversely, they found that the pursuit of happiness within collectivistic cultures led to increased well being.
When we seek happiness as a group, we are better off. When we engage with others in a collective pursuit, we benefit.
The past week has been an excellent reminder of this for me.
On Friday, I enjoyed a sailing excursion on the NZ Maritime Museum’s sailboat, Ted Ashby. The boat was manned by a crew of retired volunteers. Every one of the volunteers was having as much fun as the tourists on board. The fellow I chatted with gushed about how volunteering gave him the opportunity to hang out with other sailors, enjoy the water, sail on a historic boat (without the expense of owning it), and share his passion for sailing with others. He was happy because he was sharing his interests, his time, his energy.
On Saturday and Sunday, I attended the Storylines Children’s Writers and Illustrators’ National Hui. I enjoyed two days of talks and workshops, and chatted with dozens of other writers during breaks and meals. Although the weekend was exhausting for introverted me, I came away bursting with ideas, charged with purpose, and ready to tackle my own writing with renewed vigour, and with a feeling of support from countless others.
On Monday, the gardening group I’m a part of met for our bi-weekly catch-up. As always, our stroll through a member’s garden was accompanied by discussions of everyone’s successes and failures so far in this growing season. We discussed ideas, techniques, and frustrations. During the post-stroll cup of tea, conversation wandered freely to all aspects of rural life. People exchanged seeds, plants and produce, shared photos of recent projects, and commiserated about the weather. I know that whenever I’m in need of advice, plants, or anything, all I need do is reach out to the group. My glorious garden is a testament to the influence of the community. I could not have created it without them.
We cannot hope to succeed as individuals without a community of support around us. We cannot hope to thrive without others who thrive alongside us. We cannot hope for happiness without feeding the happiness of others.
Our leaders, our governments seem to have forgotten this. Collectively, we have forgotten this. We cannot simply take, we must give. We cannot expect support unless we provide it, too.
Life should not be about you. Life should not be about me. It should be about us. Together we are powerful, we are nurtured. We lift others up, and they pull us up with them.
I am blessed to be part of several communities of people who gather for mutual support around a particular passion. I’m also thankful to be part of a physical community made of the people who live in my town—a community that hosts a produce exchange and a little library, one that organises a trick-or-treat map of participating households, one that rallied with sidewalk messages and games, painted rocks, and window messages during Covid lockdown.
What communities are you part of? What communities can you nurture? How can you chase happiness with others?
