Christmas Doggerel

Seasonally adjusted Christmas tree--the Christmas bean!

Seasonally adjusted Christmas tree–the Christmas bean!

It wouldn’t be Christmas in New Zealand if I didn’t completely trash at least one Christmas song by writing a geographically appropriate version for us.

And so, to kick off the Christmas season, here it is–to the tune of Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Fire.


Marshmallows toasting o’re the campfire.

Sand crabs nipping at your toes.

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,

And folks with sun block on their nose.


Everybody knows a wetsuit and some ice cream

Help to make the season bright.

Tiny tots with a sunburn will seem

To find it hard to sleep tonight.


They’re tracking Santa’s every vector.

He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his tractor.

And every mother’s child is gonna spy

To see if sheep really know how to fly.


And so I’m offering this simple phrase

To kids from one to ninety-two.

Although it’s been said many times, many ways,

Kia ora to you.

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